Tai Sangstein

Tai Sangstein, a Jewish/Vietnamese Zionist who taught Jewish Sunday school every other day while playing a key role in fighting the French occupants of Vietnam. His specialty was recruiting particularly beautiful Vietnamese prostitutes to transmit an incredibly strong strain of jock itch to unknowing Frenchman, causing the French to continually scratch, thus making them horribly inaccurate while shooting. This was considered a pivotal turn in the war, and a heavy contributor to the French loss.

In 1954, Tai left Vietnam to realize his dream of starting a small pro-Israeli extremist group (called SPIEG) which causes small amounts of havoc throughout the Arab world, but is never violent. Responsible for roving electrical brown-outs, defective vending machines, and water soluble religious garbs (they melt off in the rain, basically breaking every Muslim accord) to name but a few. Attains funding for SPIEG by selling particularly noxious anti-fungal cream that smells of chlorine which is the only known cure for what is known as Cuban rot, which only attacks the skin behind the elbows and knees.

Tai is known for his continual consummation of pickled hams - he stands 5'2, and is distinctly Jewish in physique except for his almond shaped blue eyes and almost white hair, which he wears in long Jewish sideburns. Always speaking with his mouth full of pickled ham only makes his unusual mix of Vietnamese, English and Spanish accents that much harder to comprehend. He typically is spotted wearing crisp-custom tailored Israeli paratrooper fatigues with traditional Vietnamese slippers and a rice farmers hat, and fancies a monocle, although most claim it serves no visual purpose.

In his spare time he supports himself by weaving palm fronds into various animals and insects, and is often seen pedaling them at Lord's. Castro is known to back his palm frond origami with the finest Cuban fronds - and takes about 23% of gross for his troubles.

While his palm frond origami is one of a kind, it unfolds to serve a second purpose. Indeed, no customs agent or border patroller is heartless enough to take away a palm frond origami swan or spider, thus it is an ideal way to transmit his Red sentiments and extremist agenda to other parts of the world....particularly Madagascar, which has a thriving palm frond origami industry.

This of course, is all unbeknownst to his wife Gloria and 6 year old son, Cleatus. They know nothing of his early years, as he met Gloria at a time of unrest in Israel when SPIEG was at the beginning of its end. Being the devout Jew that she is, Gloria was on her first pilgrimage to Israel, she was just 18. Tai knew it was time to lay low and save revolution for another day, thus he sought work as a tour guide where he would search for a financially stable woman to leach off of. Gloria, the son of a Sotheby's auction estimator, was on his first tour...the rest is history.

Tai has been able to lead a fairly under-the-radar existence since moving to London with Gloria, but has been a little sloppy lately raising suspicions from his wife. In particular, late nights at the Lord's, two new Russian dictionaries, and his request for only red underpants have raised flags. Cleatus is too young to know what a commy is.